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hey ;)

post any good sms jokes :lol: , one liners :P or feel good messages :D which are of good taste under this head. make sure the content is not vulgar. :angry:

Tom Cruise visited guiness office to check whether he still holds the record for the most handsome guy.

he ran outside shouting


To share what is difficult,

To heal what is hurting,

To think what is not possible,

To understand without even talking....

Is the miracle called "FRIENDSHIP"

Edited by Tushar
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Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man.

But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man

an arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.

you name pls. " abdul aziz "

sex? " six times a week!! "

no, no, I mean male or female! "

doesn't matters, sometimes even camel!!! "

sex is like a restaurant.

sometimes u get full satisfactory service,

and sometimes you have to be satisfied with

self-service "

what makes a happy man?

daughter on the cover of cosmo.

son on the cover of sports illustrated

mistress on the cover of playboy

and .... wife on the cover of " missing persons "

why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?

to separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

teacher: what do you want to become?

li'l Johnny: doctor !!

teacher: why?

lj: coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it

woman complaining to dentist it's so painful, I'd

rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.

dentist make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly.

old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read


the engraver shortened it to " RETURNED UNOPENED "

a kid asked the priest "father, what is your pastime?"

the priest tapped the kid's shoulder and replied "Nun, my child, nun"

a couple in train.wife my hand is paining. (husband kisses her hand)

wife my neck is paining (husband kisses her neck)

an old man sitting nearby couldn't control himself

"beta, piles ka bhi ilaaj karte ho kya?"

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.

on their first night both were crying. why???

coz she didn ' t know anything, and he had forgotten everything

a sardar went to toilet ten times within half-an-hour.

somebody asked - sardarji aapko chain nahin hai kya?

sardar - hai to sahi, par khul nahin rahi

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Sorry to disturb u its urgent can u fax me ur photo quikly? Serious matter has come up actually we were playing cards & we lost the----JOKER !






nice person sent it


monkey is

readng it


monkey is

angry now



is still readng


monkey will

fwd this msg 2 anr monkey


Long time ago only idiots used to read my sms. And today, the history continues......


Press down if you are a Monkey

i cant believe you did that!

why did you do that once again.


wats wrong with you?

ok ok..

U R Honest..


Man 2 wife:business is going down,if u learn 2 cook we can remove bavarchi. Wife : ******* if u learn to **** we can remove driver,gardner & watchman!


In terms

of SEX satisfaction,

Woman is like a ROAD &

a MAN is like a Traveller....

A traveller gets tired,

but the Road never ends!..



(c ' ?


GOD, please make sure


those people WHO




MSG me..





Edited by Tushar

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A mans credit card has been stolen..

He decided not to report it

as the thief spends much less than his wife does... :D


One day a dog was running behind a sardar...

But the SARDAR was laughing..

A man asked why u r so happy?

He said...

" Ah Ah Ah....I have an Airtel mobile with me...

But Still Hutch network is following me.."


iN French:

"je T"amie"

iN Spanish:

" Te Quiro"

iN iTalian:

"Te amo"

iN Yugoslav:


iN English:

take bath atleast tomorrow ! Good night...


Edited by Tushar

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Ok... now some msgs that i've got on my cell for all u'll.. hope u guys like 'em!

Log Ishq Karte hain Bade Shor ke Saath,

Humne bhi kiya tha Bade Zor ke Saath,

Magar ab karenge zara Gaur ke Saath,

kyunki Kal usey dekha tha kisi Aur ke Saath ! :)

Give One English Word for "Apne Kiye pe Paani pher dena"


"FLUSH" !!

Destiny decides who u meet in Life

But its only ur heart that can decide

Who gets to stay in your Life!

The spaces between ur fingers were created

so that another person's fingers wud fill 'em in.

Hope u find the hand that u r meant to hold on 4 ever!

Whales ejaculate 400 gallons of prepos,

Out of which only 10% goes into the mates body.

The rest is spilled into the sea!

Ever wondered y Sea Water tastes Salty?? !!

Humne unki yaad mein ro ro kar tub bhar diye,

woh itne besharam nikle ki usmein naahkar chal diye!

Kya mamu, apan ki yaad vaad nahi aa reli kya?

Kya apan hi tereko aise jakkas jakkas msg bhejta rahega kya?

Tu bhi 1-2 raapchik msg chipka daal.... :lol:

(these munnabhai msgs did a lot of rounds and that too in several versions!)

Da magic of first love

is our ignorance that it can never end!

When u luv some1,

its like reaching for the stars u know u cant reach,

But u keep trying, coz maybe

1 day tht star might just fall for u !!

Without LOVE days, are "sadday, moanday, tearsday, wasteday

thirstday, frightday, shatterday"

So Fall in Love and Rise in Life!

hope to read some of urs... Keep posting!

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Kidnappers r on a lookout for somebody

whoz smart,

gud lukng n intelligent,

and by the way UR SAFE but where the hell am i gonna hide??

Here are some sms fwds i received:

Heaven is when u have a german car,

american salary,

chineese food &


Hell is when car is chineese,

food is german,

wife is american &

salary Indian!


Vajpayee is gud 4 d economy.

he has silvr in his hair.

gold in his teeth.

Stones in his kidney.

steel in his knees &

gas in his stomach.

vote 4 him.


Life is like MATHS :

FRIEND ko Plus Karo +

DUSHMAN ko Minus Karo -

KHUSIA ko Multiply karo x

GHAM ko Divide karo /

aou HUM KO YAADKARO ... have a nice day Take care nd wish all the best for everyone.....


Marriage is a 3 ring circus.

1rst: man wearing his engagement ring

2nd: man with his wedding ring

3rd: man starts suffering


Edited by Tushar

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Sardarji:I want to stich curtain for my computer

Tailor : Why curtain for computer

Sardarji: I got Windows installed on my computer


Saddam meets Kajol asks her how is life?

Kajol says Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gum . How about u?

Saddam says Kabhi Bush Kabhi Bomb


Dil Hai to pyaar hai, Wah,wah,Wah......

pyaar hai to ishq hai, Wah,wah,Wah......

ishq hai to mohabbat hai, Wah,wah,Wah......

Mohabat hai to dard hai, Wah,wah,Wah......

Dard hai to Zandu Balm Hai


Teacher asks Who is Raja Ram Mohan Roy?

Sardaarji :They all r 4 best friends


Sardaarji tells his wife

Tum meri Kalpana ho

Tum meri Bhavana ho

Tum meri prerna ho

Wife says :Chalo, aaj sye aap mere liye Dinesh,Rakesh,Suresh ho


Sardaarji had twins Named Tin & Martin

Again had twins named Peter & Repeater

Again had twins named Max & Climax

Again had Twins got fedup named Tired & Retired


Har samundhar mye saahil nahi hota,Wah,wah,Wah......

Har jaahaz mye misile nahi hota, Wah,wah,Wah......

Agar Dhirubhai nahi hota to har lucche kye pass mobile nahi hota


Air Hostess asks laloo:Sir are u vegetarian/non-vegetarian

Laloo says I am Sagittarian

Air hostess asks:Sir aap Shakahari hai/Mamsahari hai

Laloo says " I am bihari

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Judge Says to Lady- "Do u recognise the Rapist?

Lady Replied : "No.... but he may be BJP member b'coz at the time of RAPE I really "FEEL GOOD".

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At weddings, old aunts used to tease me saying, "You are next, you are next". But they stopped saying it since I started doing the same to them at funerals !!!

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This one was real specific... Only for Feb 29th

A Special Good Night to u,

coz this night comes once in 4 yrs,

also a 5th Feb Sunday nite once in 28 yrs,

But lemme tell u dat a frnd like u

Comes only once in a lifetime... -_-

Eve: Darling do u love me?

Adam: No, I dont.

Eve:(crying) then y did u make love to me?

Adam: O Hello, as if i had a choice!

You r an I.D.I.O.T






r u smiling now?? *you idiot* !

A Good frnd will come &

Bail u out of jail...

But a true frnd will be sitting next to u saying

"Dude" we are screwed!

When things go wrong,

When sadness fills ur heart,

When tears flow in ur eyes,

Jus let me know, i want to b there 4 u,

coz am selling tissues, buy 3 get 1 free!

ur smiling can be compared 2 a flower,

ur voice can be compared 2 a cuckoo,

ur innocence can be compared to a kid,

but in stupidity, u've got no comparison!

u r the BEST !

Always start ur day with a lot S E X




So make S E X a daily habit

n u'll always be smiling!

Love is photogenic,

It needs darkness to develop!

When u r counting all ur frenz

the oldest, best and the NEW

I wud like to stand by ur side

n say only two little words,


When u r alone

When u r crying

When u r upset,

Dont think of me,

Jus call me,

Coz my incoming is FREE !


Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Making sure, tht there are hardly or no women on our board as yet, i'd take this opportunity to post the foll msgs!!

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item

that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future

until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future

until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who

makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one

who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man,

you must understand him

a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman,

you must love her a lot and

not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than

single men do, but married men

are a lot more willing to die

A woman marries a man expecting

he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting

that she won't change, and she does

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that

is the beginning of a new argument

Life Counts by the roads we travel. Some r smooth, some r rough,

some I'd rather forget. but theres one road I wont regret:

the road where we met & became frenz!

Frenz r like FILMS, some r musical, some r romantic,

some r adventurous, some r comedy n yet others r tragedy!

But very few like u r oscar winning!

A gal asks a priest.. Whts devil, hell & heaven?

Da preist explains: betwn my 2 legs is da devil, between ur 2 is da hell,

Lock da devil into da hell & u c heaven!

Wife: remove my salwar. Sardar: Ok

Wife: remove my kameez. Sardar: Ok

Wife: remove my bra. Sardar: Ok

Wife: remove my panties. Sardar: Ok

Wife: and never wear my clothes again!

Mausam behal hai, na sur hai na taal hai, upar se mera inbox bhi kangal hai,

kya aapki SMS ki factory mein kuch maal hai?

duniya mein aise phool nahin jisme khushbu na ho,

aisa sitara nahin jisme roshni na ho,

hamari zindagi mein aise pal nahin jusme aap ki yaad na ho!

Har ghadi badal rahi hai khub zindagi... Exam pass aa raha hai, preparation hai nahi...

Har pal yahan jeebharke padho.. Kisko pata, Paper Leak Ho Na Ho!

Life is small Live it, Love is short Flirt it,

Anger is injurious Dump it, Troubles r momentary Face it,

Memories r sweet Cherish it, I'm too good ACCEPT it!

Why was Philip's galfrnd disappointed?

Becoz she found out tht Philips 14" was a television!

How does Osama Bin Laden practice safe sex?

He marks the camels that kick..

Life without friends is L-onely I-nsecure F-ull of Doubt & E-mptiness

Life with friends is L-ight & Easy I-nspiring F-ull of Hope & E-nthusiasm

Love is like Cigar, It starts with Fire... Continues with smoke...

And ends in ashes... But.. We r chain smokers....

Height of foolishness: A woman bathing in a transparent bathroom

and sardar looking thru a key hole!

Why do men ask for a woman hand in marriage?

Coz they r tired of using their own

True frenz r like morning: u cant have them for the whole day

but u can be sure they will be there when u wake up tomo, day after n forever!

Beauty is not measured by ur clothes or makeup... but by ur inner self...

so atleast today, change ur damn underwear!!

Ram ne dhanush toda, sita daud ke aayi;

Kishan ne bansuri bajaayi aur Radha bhaag ke chali aayi;

Aur hamne sirf siti maari, saali baap ko le aayi!

Alrite, some ragging stuff here....

This is the toughest tongue twister known. Try it

Sixth sick Shiekh's sixth sheep's sick...

By the time a man realises that his father was right,

He already has a son who says, "dad u r wrong!"

When there are shadows around, u dont be afraid,

it only means that there is light nearby!

It goes in dry, comes out wet,

the longer its in, the stronger it gets,

n we can have it in bed!

Wht do u think it is?

Pervert! Its just a TEA BAG !!

You can never change da past nor control da future,

But u can change the mood of da day by touching

someone's "PRIVATE ORGAN"... The "HEART"...

y r u smiling, dirty mind?

Monday ko dosti, Tuesday ko pyaar,

Wednesday ko shaadi, Thursday ko barbadi

Friday ko fighting, Saturday ko talaq

Sunday ko rest aur Monday ko next!

How do u fit 30 marwaadis in a Maruti 800?

Just throw a 100 rupee note inside!

Three awesome ways to break the mirror::

1. Throw the mirror down

2. Throw something at the mirror

3. Show ur face to the mirror ...!

How do u embarass an archeologist?

Give him a tampon n ask him which period it came from!

Woman asks God "y u make men so handsome?"

God says "so u can love him"

Woman: "But y u made him so stupid?"

God: "So that he can love u"

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do u manage to breath thru that thing??"

Life counts by the roads we travel.

Some r smooth, some r rough.

Some i'd rather forget. But there's one road,

I shall never regret: the one where we met and became frenz!

Hope u'll enjoyed...! :P

Edited by Tushar

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U r mercedes of my BMW of my dreams

sonata of my eyes honda of my thoughts

toyata of my joy rolls royce of my heart.

Can any 1 clear this TRAFFIC JAM..!?

From Mon to sun..

From jan to dec..

From birth till death..

My feelings

for \U\ have never


For MI You have always been a..


Vajpayee is gud 4 d economy.

he has silvr in his hair.

gold in his teeth.

Stones in his kidney.

steel in his knees&

gas in his stomach. vote 4 him :rolleyes:

Heaven is when u have a german car,

american salary,

chineese food & INDIAN WIFE.

Hell is when car is chineese,

food is german,

wife is american & salary indian! :rolleyes:

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No Visit,

No Call,

No Sms,

No Miss call,

Oh, No.. u r again in Jail.

Edited by Tushar

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umm, dont see many ppl sharing their msgs at the forum <_< Seems very few ppl have DAPO connections.. is tht the reason? :unsure:

Well whtever it may be, heres my contribution! :)

God gave me a choice between

having a wonderful frnd like u or

to have a good memory....

I dont remember what i chose!!

Dresses worn by women nowadays,

r like fences at the zoo...

They safeguard valuable property

But dont obstruct the view!

uR 1 oF dA c0olesT th!ngs L!fE eVer sLapped me wid.

n0 matteR waT dA fuTuRe h0Lds

i kNw u'L aLwayz b a pArt of mE...

c0z aS l0ng aS V r fReNz... L!fE r0cks!

Never expect things to happen...

Struggle and make them happen...

Never expect you to be given a good value...

Create a good value of ur own!

Wife:Jab tum DESI pite hoto mujhe PARO kehto ho

Jab WHISKY pite hoto mujhe DARLING kehto ho

Aaj kya piya hai jo CHUDEL kehto ho?

Husband: Aaj mein hosh mein hu!

Sardar is repeatedly buying movie tickets

Finally the ticket seller asks him why?...

Sardar: Some guy standing

at the door is tearing my ticket

shhhh... dont go outside.

Dont even talk loudly for the next 1 hr... plzz

I'm again warning u plzz... & Dont b so loud

The dog-catching van is on duty

Warning: Cell phone causes radiations

& it results in brain damage!

Thank God u r safe!

It only affects ppl with brains!

In U.P. if lady is pregnant by 1 man,

surname of child is Eknath

By 2 - Dubey

By 3 - Trivedi

By 4 - Chaturvedi

By 5 - Pandey

n By Everyone - Mishraji !!

A mobile is like a woman,

talks non-stop, costs a fortune,

disturbs when u r busy,

n when u need it urgent - there is no service!

Sardar: I saw my wife goin to the movie with a stranger

Friend: Did u follow them inside?

"No yaar" said Sardar "I'd already seen the movie"!

A 2-seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab...

Local Sardars have so far found 500 bodies

and are still diggin for more....

Wht is great Love?

Its when u hide tears n still care 4 her

Its when she ignores u and u still love her

Its when she begins to love another n u still smile 4 her!

A HUTCH customer got married..

After 9 mnths his wife gives birth to twins...

1 boy & 1 dog!

Reason - Wherever u go our network follows!

1+1=2 eyes look at you

4+1=5 senses miss you

23+1=24 hrs thinking of you!

Hope is not da conviction

that something will turn out well

But da certainty that something makes sense

regardless of how it turns out!

GALILEO - Great Mind

EINSTEIN - Genius Mind

NEWTON - Extraordinary Mind

BILL GATES - Brilliant Mind

ME - Mastermind

YOU - Nevermind! :P

Oh i know most of these were ol' ones! But worth archiving them!

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Teacher: Why are you late?

Johny: Because of the sign.

Teacher: What sign?

Johny: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


Teacher: Johny, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?

Johny: You told me to do it without using tables!


Teacher: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

Johny: Me!


Johny: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?

Johny: Your name on this report card.


Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

Johny: Don't bite any.


Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

Johny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."


Johny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Johny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?


Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green

and one is blue with red spots!

Johny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.


Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,

what virtue would I be showing?

Johny: Brotherly love.


Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Johny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.


Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as

your brother's. Did u copy his?

Johny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!


Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on

talking when people are no longer interested?

Johny: A teacher


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I am not saying customer service in my bank is bad

but when I went and asked cleark to check my balance.

she comes to me and pushed me.

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Notice(in a new shop window):

Dont go elsewhere and be robbed.. TRY US!

Friendship is like standing on wet cement...

The longer u stay, the harder it is to leave

& u can never go without leaving ur footprints!

F.R.I.E.N.D. means







Space seems like an empty word,

but its full of






Thank you for being a part of my SPACE

Marriage is not just a wife, but also





Museum Admin: That's a 500 year old statue u've broken

Santa: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!

If people around u are trying to pull u down,

be PROUD about it!! Coz it onlymeans one thing:

YOU are above them!

Its not the presence of someone

that brings meaning to life,

but its the way someone touches your heart,

which gives life to a beautiful meaning...

Hope is not da conviction that something will turn out well

But da certainty that something makes sense,

Regardless of how it turns out to be

Mere taraf se aapko ek pappi,

aapke dost ko pappi, aapke dost ke dost ko ek pappi

kyonki aaj hi mere kutte ne

das puppy ko janam diya hai...

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Tajmahal Kya

cheez hai me

usse bhi badi



MUMTAZ mar ke

dafan hui me

Jinda dafanunga.

One Man: Sardarji

where are you born?

Sardarji: PUNJAB me.

One Man: Which part?

Sardarji: Oye part part

kya kar raha he.. Whole

body born in PUNJAB

Chand pe kali Ghata Chhati hogi,

Sitaron ko muskurahat aati to hogi,

Tum lakh chhupao duniya se,

magar akelen mein tumhe apni shakal pe,

Hansi hati to hogi.. :P

A study

has proved

that all



their thumb to

read sms. Now

its tooo late

to change finger..

smiling na.. :P

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umm.. seems not many r participating here!!

Well but am not tht selfish :grin: Here goes my share!

The Happiest Love Story ever told:

HE: Would u marry me?


And they lived happily ever after!

I keep on thinking of a word that will best describe u,

suddenly something enters my mind n it spells




Dangerous SPECIES!

A group of elephants were sitting on the street.

A good looking female elephant passes by.

What does the loafer elephant say?

wow! 36000, 24000, 36000!

It takes 15 trees to produce the amt of paper

which is used by us 2 write our exams.

Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving Trees!


When titanic was drowning, an italian asks sardarji,

"how far is land".... "2 kms"

Italian jumps into the sea and asks "Which direction"

Sardarji reverts " Downwards! "

Ek aadmi ne sardar se pucha: Public ne aapko kyun maraa?

Sardar: Bus mein mera foto gir gaya, main bola:

"Madam apki saari upar karo mujeh foto lena hai!"

Man: I know how to please a woman.

Woman: In that case, pls leave me alone!

Dosti ka haq hum yun ada karte hai,

Tere naam pe yeh jaan fida karte hai,

tuj ko phul ka bhizakhm na ane paye,

Khuda se hum yehi dua karte hain

A man is dying of cancer. His son asked him:

"dad, y do u keep tellin everyone tht u r dying of AIDS?

"So when am dead, no one will dare to touch ur mom"!

SPECIAL OFFER: Surprise ur gf by sending her a romantic kiss!

Just dial <put ur no. here> & say "kiss" with ur gf's name n address,

i'll go and kiss her!

The Virtue of True Love is not finding the perfect person,

But loving the Imperfect Person Perfectly.

Love doesn't have a happy Ending,

Coz it simply never Ends!

Winter comes again n again,

Summer comes again n again,

But a frnd like u never comes again

coz god never makes a mistake again n again!

I Enquired everything abt u...



Can u marry my MAID?

Leaves dont just Fall from the tree,

Clouds dont just Form in the sky.

Angels dont just Come Down from Heaven

Andi dont SMS any1 unless they r special!

Fall in a river.. there is a Boat,

Fall in a well... there is a Rope,

But dont Fall in Love... coz theres no Hope!

How do u define a true music lover?

A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom,

puts his ear to the keyhole instead of this eyes!

Bahut dur rehkar bhi paas lagte ho.

Nazron se dur rehkar bhi khaas lagte ho.

HAR BAAR DUSRO KA SMS BHEJTE HO aur khud ko SMART samajte ho?

Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on the table

and says... "Too many characters, No Story at all"

Librarian: "So u r the 1 who took the tel. diary!?"

Welcome to www.sexy.com Type password to enter


New Member: u r welcome, Processing

ACCESS DENIED! 2 young 2 be sexy. Try www.bacchha.com

Pls do SMOKE regularly everyday!




K-Kool SMS


So pls smoke freely!

Best pick up line to approach a gal... Go to her and say

"Is ur dad a terrorist?".. She will say, "what?"

"I just asked coz u r such a BOMB!"

Receive my special gift of GOOD MORNING wrapped

with sincerity, tied with CARE and sealed with PRAYER

to keep u SAFE and HAPPY all the DAY!

Aeroplane to rocket frnd.. "Why do u fly so fast?"

"You will know if ur butt is on fire!"

Rabert: Boss aapko kaunsi 3 cheez sabse jyaada pasand hai?

Ajeet: Mona, Sona aur Mona ke saath Sona!

"Yes. i like ur dress, but isn't it too early for HALLOWEEN?"

umm... i guess 9090 gives better jokes than 1234 ... isn't it? wht say? Anyways at the end both r not tht gr8!

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BOY : May I hold your hand?

GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??

TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.

WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of

the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It go! es in both ears and

comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"

Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"

Pupil : "The moon".

Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when

people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"

Sam : "It's a family tradition".

Teacher : "What do you mean?"

Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".

Teacher : "What about your mother?"

Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"

David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the

same day and at the same time."

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his

father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"

One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

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2day is so special ! not only for me but all living beings on earth.

becoz 04/04/04 comes only once in 100 yrs

& this sunday once in 700 yrs!

so enjoy this day a lot more!

Kemcho majama?

tabiyat saari? baaki anand mangal?

angadi nathi dukhti ne? aankh pan ok? magaj barabar?

Kamaal cho yaar, toh pacchi SMS karo ne yaar!

Gal to Guy: Phone mat kiya karo dear,

mom hoti hai near, papa se lagta hai fear,

baat nahi hoti hai clear,

isliye sms kar dear without any fear and very clear!

Son asks his dad difference between LOVE, RELIEF & BELIEF,

Dad: Your mom is my love, Our maid is my Relief,

And i am ur Dad, well thts my belief.

I hate u utna, u hateme jitna

I hate u tabse, u hateme jabse

I hate u tabtak, u hateme jabtak

U hate me jane kabtak, but i'd hate marte dum tak!

If u feel stressed out. Try to have S.E.X.

It helps u to relax. Do u know how to have S.E.X.?

Let me teach u,

S-Sleep E-Eat X-xercise!

dont think dirty!

Dream makes all things possible,

Hope makes all things work

Love makes all things beautiful,

Smile makes all the above work possible


Frndship Test: Call Back if u love me,

Missed Call if u r a true frnd,

Text back if u care,

Text a joke if u like me,

Just ignore me, if u hate me. I'll wait....

Laloo, Rabri, Jayalalitha, Mayawati were sailing in a boat.

If it sinks who will survive? Guesss....


Na khuda dil banata na kisise pyaar hota,

na kisiki yaad aati, na kisika intizaar hota

Dil diya hai isey sambhal ke rakhna,

sheeshe se bana hai pathar se dur rakhna!

The word LISTEN contains da same letters as SILENT.

Listen to GOD in da silence of ur heart

& u will know his perfect plans for u.

Exams, marks, % yeh sab bekaar ki baatein hai,

Sab moh maaya hai, tum khali haath aaye ho, khali haath jaoge,

nadan insaan is bhram se niklo aur satya ko apnao!

Jao so jao!

Arey oye burai ke rasgulle,

paap ke barfi, bewafai ke laddu,

matlabi chuski, badmash ke pedhe,

jhooth ke kalakand...

Tu bada hi sweet hai re!

LIFE is chemistry---

Dilute ur sorrows,

Evaporate ur worries

Filter ur Happiness,

& U'll find Crystals of Love!

Positive Thinking is like this...

A lil bird in the sky... u look up & it ****s in ur eye.

u dont mind & u dont cry,

u jus thank god that cows dont fly!

Mausam ki bahaar acchi ho,

Phoolon ki kaliyan kacchi ho,

Hamari yeh dosti sachhi ho,

Rab se bas ek hi dua hai ki

mere dost ki har subah achhi ho!

Ek uff si uthi hai,

Dard dil mein hoti hai,

Ek uff si uthi hai,

Dard dil mein hoti hai,

Arey yaar ye pyaar nahi ACIDITY hai,

Ismein aksar aisaa hi hota hai!

Newton's 6th Law: The last drop of ur urine

does not obey the law of Gravity unless shaken!!

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Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?

Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Edited by Ashokjp

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Good morning...

Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today?

1)Pray, so that u may live...

2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!

Good looks catch the eyes but Good Personality catches the heart, You are blessed with both!."

FLATTERED...?. Don't Be, it was sent to me, I just wanted you to read it.

From Monday to Sunday

From January To December

From birth till my death

My feelings for you have never changed.

For me, you've always been........... a headache

Din ko chain nahi

Raat ko aram nahi.

Jee na lagay kahen

Aay khuda kya yahi pyar hai ?

Arey Pagal.. yeh pyar nahi ..... Aaj ka temperature 43 degree celcius hai.

My friend, the best quality that i like about u is that, U R very sentimental ...... (10% Senti and 90% Mental).

Dark were those days, without your sight.

When I was in darkness, you gave me light.

You gave me strength 2 make life bright.

Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT

Khuda se Scooter manga.. Car di;

Apartment manga.. bangla diya;

dost manga to tumhain diya..

Khuda ne is bar aisa zulm kyoun kia

When I C the moon I C U

When I C the stars I C U

When I C the Sea I C U

Get out of the way you are blocking my view.

I mixed RUM in water and got drunk.

I mixed BRANDY in water and got drunk.

I mixed WHISKY in water and got drunk again.

Now I have decided never to drink water again !!!

Zindagi mein tum bohat aage jaaoo gay

kyonkay jahan bhi tum jaooge

sab kahain gay, chal be chal aagay chal.

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Woh jab chalti hai to raahon main 100-100 ke note

bichhaa deta hoon

Woh jab chalti hai to raahon main 100-100 ke note

bichhaa deta hoon

Uske jaane ke baad woh sab note utha leta hoon..


Jab tumne thaam lee hai mere jeevan ki dor,

Jab tumne thaam lee hai mere jeevan ki dor,

Yeh dil maange more..Yeh dil maange more..


Pyar mein kitne ghar doob gaye yaaron..

Pyar mein kitne ghar doob gaye yaaron..

Pyar mein pandrah-bees ghar doob gaye yaaron..


Woh sadak ke is paar thi, hum sadak ke us paar the..

Kuch hum aage badhe, kuch who aage badhi

Hum kuch aur age badhe, who bhi kuch aur aage badhi

Ab hum sadak ke us paar the, who sadak ke is paar thi


Aapne mere man se khela,

aapne mere tan se khela,

aapne mere dhan se khela

aapne mere tan, man, dhan se khela...

well played! well played! well played!!


Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai,

Laila ghar mein aur majnoo jail mein hote hai.


Mein tere pyar mein paagal hua chhaliye,

Mein tere pyar mein paagal hua chhaliye,

iodex maliye kaam pe chaliye,


Tum har raat mere khwabon mein aao,

Tum har raat mujhe yuunhi satao,

Melody khao khud jaan jao........


Door se dekha to kuchh dikha nahi,

Door se dekha to kuchh dikha nahi,

Paas jake dekha to kuchh tha hi nahi.


Dharti so rahi hai, Aasman so raha hai;

Dharti so rahi hai, Aasman so raha hai;

Nonsense! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?


Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan

Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan

Lifebouy hai jahan, tandurusti hai wahan


*** before marrige

takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti,

tajmahal banana chahata hoon,

lekin mumtaz nahi milti.


*** after marriage

takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti,

tajmahal banana chahata hoon,

lekin mumtaz nahi marti.


Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain,

Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain;



kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai,

kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai,

ke kyon kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai??


Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne muzhe pita;

Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne muzhe pita;

Tan ki shakti, manki shakti, Bournvita.


Tum aa gaye ho,

noor aa gaya hai;

chalo teeno movie chalen.


Khud ko kar buland itnaa Ke,

'Himaalay ki choti pe jaa pahunche'

Aur khuda tumse puche,

'Abe sale gadhe. ab utrega kaise'


Jise dil diya woh dilli chali gayi,

jise pyar kiya woh italy chali gayi;

dil ne kaha khud-kushi(suicide) kar le jalim,

Bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi.

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Hope these ones r not repetitive... Though am sure, after all this while they'd become! But still heres my contribution :clap:

If i ever sent u a bunch of roses,

I'll put in a fake one in between and

will say "Our frndship will last till the last 1 dies"

NAMASKAR yeh hamari faltu-SMS seva hai.

Isme hum logo ko waqt bewaqt DISTURB karte hai.

Is Seva ka labh uthane ke liye dhanyavaad.

Ab apna kaam kijiye!

Lady goes 2 dentist, Lifts up her saree,

Slips down her undergarments & Spreads her legs.

Dentist: I am not a GYNAEC.

Lady: I know but i want u 2 pull out my husband's teeth!

A man applied coconut oil on his body n jumped frm the 10th floor

but didn't get hurt... How?

He'd used Parachute Coconut Oil

Whts wrong with ur cell?

Tried calling ur no. many times.

But everytime operator says

da person ur trying to call is in ur heart!

Taza hawa ka jhonka aaya

Khushbu teri saath mein laya,

phir mere dil ko khayal aaya

ke lagta hai mera dost nahin NAHAYA!

If u see someone widout a SMILE

Give them 1 of urs

Coz u r among a few good ppl

who can shine other's lives

by just walking wid them a few miles

Bahut door rehkar bhi paas lagte ho

Nazron se dur rehkar bhi khaas lagte ho

har baar dusroka diya SMS bhejte ho

aur khud ko SMART samajhte ho?

I met joy, health & Wealth last nite.

They needed a permanent place 2 stay.

So i've given them ur address

Hope they arrive safely!

If i wud ever need u, I know u'd be there.

I'm glad u r my frnd

ur smile makes me smile

ur pain makes me hurt

I will never stop being ur frnd

Dont ever stop being mine!

Introduction is possible Anytime

Love is possible Sometime

Marriage is possible Onetime

But a sweet frnd like u is possible once in a LIFETIME

Couple for Divorce arguing 4 son's custody

Wife: I gave birth 2 him with pain & labour, so he's mine.

Hus: If i put a coin in pepsi machine & Pepsi comes, is it mine or the machines?

If u want success in life:

Be Sweet as honey

Be Regular as Clock

Be Fresh as Rose

Be Soft as Tissue

Be Strong as Rock

Be Sure as Death

n Be Smart as ME!

KISS: An enquiry on top floor

abt the vacancy on grd floor

Dost kabhi dosto se khafa nahi hote,

dil milake kabhi Judaa nahi hote,

Bhula dena hamari khamiyon ko,

Kyonki insaan kabhi khuda nahin hote!

If u find urself in a dark room & walls shaking

& Blood flowing everywhere, Dont be Afraid!

You are in a safe place! You r in my HEART!

Har ek khoobsurat ladki pe dil dadak ta hai

Kya karun main toh bhagwan nahin hu,

Insaan hu isliye ek se adjust karna padta hai!

Five Great ppl... Gandhiji - he is no more

Vajpayee - He is of no use

Aishwarya - out of our reach

Rest U n ME .. .So lets be in touch!

American Men: Women r like cigar, throw when finished

French: Like Wine Glass, Break when finished

Sardar: Like Casette, Turn to side B when A finished!

LAILA ko MAJNU ka sms nahi aaya,

LAILA ne 3 din khana nahi khaya.

LAILA marne wali hai Majnuke pyaar mein,

MAJNU baitha SMS free hone ke intezaar mein!

Good Time, Bad Time, Day Time,

Work Time, Off Time, Night Time,

Happy Time, Sad Time, Sleep Time,

Kisi bhi Time Apun ka SMS aa sakta hai

Good nite, Sweet Dreams!

Arey o babua, tohar smswa k intejar ma

hum mobilewa liye 1 ghanta baitha hu.

Tanik idhar bhi dhyan dai diyo

Aur ekad smgwa bhijwai diyo na pyaare!

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