Non SMS Stuff

[KumaarShah 143]

Three cricket fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk.

Out of respect and propriety, the Sri Lankan team's fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Indian fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Pakistani fan took off his cap and placed it over her private area.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection.

First, he lifted up the Sri Lankan cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes.

Next, he lifted the Indian cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes.

The officer then lifted the Pakistani cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.

The Pakistani fan was getting upset and finally asked "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"

"Well," said the officer. "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Pakistani hat, I find an *** hole!"

[rajanmehta 4,056]

:rofl_200:

Very apt for the current situation they are in!!

[akshmail 6]

There was a good old barber in Bangalore.

One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......

Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ....

(Believe me it's worth it!!!!!!!!!!)

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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts of forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut.

[aalok 442]

^ good one...

[KumaarShah 143]

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him"Rover" or "Spot." I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the

City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.

He said, "I would like to have one too!"

Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like.

I said, "You don't understand ...I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was

over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.

" He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.

The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I

wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.

I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.

I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets.

"You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV. " He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.

I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married."

The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock

in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went

for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely."

And the doctor said, "Look, mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend, so get yourself a dog."

[aalok 442]

^ lolzzzzzz...

[rajanmehta 4,056]

@KumaarShah

:rofl_200:

This is called living a dog's life!!

[Greatest 55]

@Kumaar bhai.. nice one.. But I am thinking, how come the word s e x is not getting 'hidden' like other words.. I feel it is a forbidden word..

@Arun, r u listening??

[KumaarShah 143]

A businessman was deep in debt and could see no way out.

Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment.

He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy.

Suddenly an old man appeared before him.

"I can see that something is troubling you," he said.

After listening to the executive's woes, the old man said, "I believe I can help you."

He asked the man his name, wrote out a check, and pushed it into his hand saying,

"Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time."

Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.

The business executive saw in his hand a check for $500,000, signed by John D. Rockefeller, then one of the richest men in the world!

"I can erase my money worries in an instant!" he realized.

But instead, the executive decided to put the uncashed check in his safe.

Just knowing it was there might give him the strength to work out a way to save his business, he thought.

With renewed optimism, he negotiated better deals and extended terms of payment.

He closed several big sales. Within a few months, he was out of debt and making money once again.

Exactly one year later, he returned to the park with the uncashed check. At the agreed-upon time, the old man appeared.

But just as the executive was about to hand back the check and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man.

"I'm so glad I caught him!" she cried.

"I hope he hasn't been bothering you.

He's always escaping from the rest home and telling people he's John D. Rockefeller. "

And she led the old man away by the arm.

The astonished executive just stood there, stunned.

All year long he'd been wheeling and dealing, buying and selling, convinced he had half a million dollars behind him.

Suddenly, he realized that it wasn't the money, real or imagined, that had turned his life around.

It was his new found self-confidence that gave him the power to achieve anything he went after.

[aalok 442]

good one sir...

[Greatest 55]

:clap::clap:

[KumaarShah 143]

@Kumaar bhai.. nice one.. But I am thinking, how come the word s e x is not getting 'hidden' like other words.. I feel it is a forbidden word..

@Arun, r u listening??

@Kunal,

In my case, Sex is a Noun and not a verb... So thats why it is not showing asterisks in between.

[Greatest 55]

^^^ idha alla romba jaasthi ele kumaarbhai??

[KumaarShah 143]

[xuketo 7]

The mobile won't work without battery!
Mind you, this is 'copying' not 'cloning'.
It is a problem with old Samsung phones.
Mobile working without SIM

[Greatest 55]

^^^ yeh sajjan aadmi hain.. LOLZ... this is superbly funny man.. Where did you get the video from??

[Shabz 8]

yeh video kitna purana hai can you tell

I ( in fact many old rimwebians) have done similar things way back in 2004 when reliance cdma was launched and when this site had started

We had done this thing on lg and also on samsung phones

Edited October 2, 2010 by Shabz

[Greatest 55]

Since ROBOT, Rajnikanth starrer has released.. What better way than to remember our thalaivar than his way of style.. Mind it Indians, Rajnikanth is termed as next to GOD in South India, Particularly Tamil Nadu and Chennai..

Read the following and make your sunday a worthful day... Mind it...

dedicated to all rajnikanth's fans...

if u dont know who is Rajnikanth... Here it goes,

1. Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin

2. Rajnikanth can drown a fish

3. Rajnikanth can kill two stones with one bird

4. In an average living room, there are 1242 objects Rajnikanth could use to

kill you, including the room itself

5. if you spell Rajnikanth wrong on Google, it doesn't say "did u mean

Rajnikanth". It simply says " run while you still have the chance".

6. When Rajnikanth looks in the mirror, the mirror shatters, because not

even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth

7. Gmail Id of Rajnikanth is gmail@RAJNIKANTH.com

8. There's no 1st April in Rajnikanth's calender, no one can fool Rajnikanth

9. When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns

the dark off

Something more abat Rajnikanth!!

*There is no Control button on Rajnikanth's computer. Rajnikanth is always

in control.

*Rajnikanth doesn't sleep. He waits.

*If you have Rs. 100 and Rajnikanth has Rs. 100, Rajnikanth has more money

than you.

*There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikanth has

allowed to live.

*Rajnikanth is the only one who can "try this at home".

*When Rajnikanth dives in the water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets

Rajnikanthed.

*If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but

Rajnikanth says its beef, then it's ******* beef

*Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him

blink.

*Einsteins original theory of relativity was: if Rajnikanth kicks you your

relatives will feel it.

*Rajnikanth's Tears can cure Cancer, shame hes never cried!

*In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a

dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not

Rajnikanth, because Rajnikanth killed that man.

*Rajnikanth doesn't breathe, he holds the air hostage.

*Rajnikanth does not run. He jumps on the spot and the earth moves into

position.

*Rajnikanth can sneeze with his eyes open.

* Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

*Scientists believed diamond to be the hardest substance known to man -

until they discovered Rajnikanth!

*Rajnikanth wasn't born ............... he was quarried

*Rajnikanth wouldn't need nowhere near seven books to defeat Voldemort.

* Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action,

there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction

to a Rajnikanth kick.

* Rajnikanth ordered a McGrill at Burger King, and got one.

* Rajnikanth doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other

nine faint.

* Rajnikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

* If at first you don't succeed, you're not Rajnikanth

* Rajnikanth once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One

Grand Canyon is enough.

* Rajnikanth once turned up late on the set, the director fined the rest of

the crew for being early

* There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikanth was cold, so he

turned the sun up.

* As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And

Rajnikanth."

* Rajnikanth makes Maggi noodles in 1 minute

* Nobody knows why Rajnikanth crossed the road. No one dares question his

motives

*Rajnikanth doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

*Thousands of years ago Rajnikanth came across a bear. It was so terrified

that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its

decendents now have white hair.

* Rajnikanth can eat just one Lay's potato chip

* The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Rajnikanth heard their music

* God prays to Rajnikanth.

* Yoda was once "6,4", black, and talked normal, he then made the mistake of

saying Rajnikanth s**ks.

* When Rajnikanth receives two yellow cards, the referee is sent off

[KumaarShah 143]

Great One, Kunal.... Had a good sunday morning laughing

[xuketo 7]

Funny... until In realized that someone took Chuck Norris jokes and Search/Replaced Chuck Norris with Rajnikanth.

[xuketo 7]

yeh video kitna purana hai can you tell

I ( in fact many old rimwebians) have done similar things way back in 2004 when reliance CDMA was launched and when this site had started

We had done this thing on lg and also on samsung phones

It's very recent. That makes it ever more funny.

[You can also see the recency from some of the posters in the background.]

Apparently from a local TV channel in Rajasthan.

[suresh72811 0]

The mobile won't work without battery!

Mind you, this is 'copying' not 'cloning'.

It is a problem with old Samsung phones.

Mobile working without SIM

dear bro is video mai jo reprter ke sath hai vo mai hu....simple si trick hai ye karne ke liye par miss use bahut jyada ho sakta hai isliye maine kaise kiya jata hai ye nahi bataya...... ye video old nahi hai ye video 23 sept 2010 ko tv24 par dikhaya gaya tha

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Source: Techtree

A collection of some of the funniest and wittiest tweets that I have com across on Twitter. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did.

@philbaroni

My grand ma thinks lol means lots of love. My grand ma just text me grand papi passed last night in his sleep lol

Link

@thedayhascome

Gave my wife's cooking a 1 star rating on Yelp. Her foot just became the Mayor of my *** on foursquare.

Link

@YUCKYBOT

I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes. They performed unspeakable acts on me.

Link

@abhishekmadan

Probability of a television showing elephant sex is maximum while staring at a wall mounted matrix of HD TVs at Croma with extended family.

Link

@ian_Wright

'Enjoy performance improvements which make iTunes faster and more responsive.'

Hahahhahahahahahaha. Good one Apple.

Link

@vimoh

Translation: Daily Brief = Dainik Chaddi.

Link

@tinastullracing

A priest and rabbi and blonde walk into a building. You would think one of them would have seen it.

Link

@richmckay

If you can't spot the crazy person in the first five minutes on the bus, then it's you.

Link

@daddy_san

Apple's motto "If you ain't broke, we'll fix it".

Link

@over_rated

If Mario were Indian, he'd quit chasing the princess after level 2 and marry the next available "fair, homely" girl.

Link

@ceoSteveJobs

Jony just told me he can't make the nano any smaller. Fired.

Link

@Daffynitions

Hands: what a mime's mother makes him wash with soap when he swears.

Link

@The_HappyNoodle

My little neighbour says he wants to be Batman when he grows up. I'm helping him achieve his dream. By killing his parents.

Link

@gkhamba

Everytime I open the Times of India website, a Google translate toolbar pops up to convert the site from Bull**** to English.

Link

@funnyoneliners

"I drive like lightening."

"You drive fast?"

"No. I hit trees."

Link

@gkhamba

4 Indian wrestlers can't compete in the CWG after testing positive for Methyl Hexa Neamine. Or as they call it in Patiala, Chole Bhature.

Link

@abhishekmadan

For atheists, cleanliness is next to non-existent.

Link

@thetanmay

ICC: It's all PCB's fault! | PCB: It's BCCI's fault! | BCCI: It's all Lalit Modi's fault! | LKM: This fault is brought to you by MicroMax.

Link

@DRUNKHULK

MAYBE DRUNK HULK TOO DRUNK! CAUSE DRUNK HULK JUST USE mePHONE SEND EMAIL! AND GMAIL TO MAKE CALL!

Link

@sween

I know it was a good poop when I walk away in slow-motion as the bathroom explodes behind me. I don't look back.

Link

@sickipedia

No matter how many times you delete your history, you still **** yourself when your parents use your PC.

Link

@bhalomanush

Because there is a Bible in every hotel room in America, I never feel the urge to bring along crime novels while traveling.

Link

@Roflindian

A cannibal walks into a bar. He gets the cold shoulder.

Link

@gkhamba

Corruption in India is like peeing in the shower. You know it's not right but do it anyway thinking everyone else does too.

Link

@Pickledsnob

Turning to a vegan is easier than you think. All you have to do is stop eating non veg. Then you die. Immediately.

Link

@YUCKYBOT

Small and skinny girls look so tasty. Bone a petite!

Link

@5tevenw

Sometimes when the internet is down, I forget that the rest of my computer still functions.

Link

@amreekandesi

Missus: Out of calcium.

Me: We always have the marble floor to fall back on.

Link

[xuketo 7]

dear bro is video mai jo reprter ke sath hai vo mai hu....simple si trick hai ye karne ke liye par miss use bahut jyada ho sakta hai isliye maine kaise kiya jata hai ye nahi bataya...... ye video old nahi hai ye video 23 sept 2010 ko tv24 par dikhaya gaya tha

Suresh, congratulations on being featured on TV!

You're right about possibility of misuse and questionable legality of this.

Just be careful, and take care.

[KumaarShah 143]

A Saskatchewan guy went out duck hunting in the fall and a gust of wind

blew, his gun fell over and discharged shooting him in his private parts.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his

doctor.

"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that

you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very

little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done

to your p***s which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer

you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a

plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly," answered the doctor.

"She's a flute player in the Regina Symphony Orchestra. . She's going to

teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.

EDIT:

@kunal, I starred out the you-know-what...

Edited October 12, 2010 by KumaarShah