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good ones Vishal Lage raho

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Bubble in the bathtub

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.

As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the

students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, "Let's start with the boys first."

Boys start giving their intro...

First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see

bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.

Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all

there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next."

Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see

bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the

spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."

Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in

the bathtub."

Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be

sincere. Ok next."

This continues...

and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is

to see bubble in the bathtub."

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be

able to teach un-grown boys for long.

Anyway, now the girls please."

First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."

Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok

next."

Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."

Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok

next. You sweet girl; Yes you..."

Most beautiful girl of the class:

"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath

three times a day."

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This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala, and even though it sounds like something out of the XFiles or from Alfred Hitchcock...

A guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles

from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming (remember, this is in the hills and there is a steep, steep drop beyond the curve). Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend.

The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend. Finally, the guy sees lights ahead.

Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights.

It's a small town. Wet and in shock goes to a roadside dhaba, which is open, and asks for a drink. They find some hooch and give him a shot. And he starts telling whoever is in the dhaba about the horrible experience

he's just been through.

A silence envelops everybody when they realize the guy isn't drunk, and is really frightened - he's crying and shaking. So they give him more hooch and talk about what they should do, whether to call the police or find a priest, or what.

But just then two guys(santa & banta) walk into the

dhaba. One says to the other "Look, Banta - that's the

guy who got in our car when we were pushing it." :) ....lol ha ha ha

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Nice ones vishal Bhai

Lage raho

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7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.

So, they both gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE - MUMBAI) :

--------------------------------------

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks , one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE.

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :

---------------------------------------------

Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket. Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom...

TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :

--------------------------------

SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the loc al to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...

SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train........... :confuse:

CONCLUSION : Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.

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he he he he.... I have already mailed this one accross to all my ex-classmates who are either studying medicine or doctors already

cheers

ashok

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Interpreting women's vocabulary :grin:

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you

need to shut up.

Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes

to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be

on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A

"Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting

her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man.

"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding

how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is

thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of

the room slowly.

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so ... vishal bhai ... how many women have thanked u ? or said its okay to u ? seems like u know it all ... faced it all ?

no wonder ... we have such an experienced mod around! experienced in all fields ...

Lage raho! bhai ! Lage Raho!!!!

Cheers

Ashok

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PROFESSIONAL MATRIMONIAL ADS

SOFTWARE ENGINEERS:

Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features(privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities).There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build.

She must _NOT_ be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT or USER FRIENDLY.

We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.

DOCTOR:

Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

BEGGAR:

Allah ke naam pe koi ek biwi de de, Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de, Allah tujhe ek ke badle do dega, Hillary hogi to Monika bhi dega

LAWYER:

I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidatefor the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lordi.e.Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BANKER:

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

SHAYAR:

Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai, Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye, Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi, To yaaron ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

DRUNKARD:

wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preffered will carry me from bar to ghar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

CAR MECHANIC:

Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average............

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My English Professor

# Inside the Class:

* Both of u three, get out of the class.

* (Facing the Board) Dont talk in front of my back.

* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.

* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.

* Shhh... quiet, boys... the principal just passed away in the corridor.

* You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class...)

* Close the doors of the windows please... I have winter in my nose today.

* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.

* Take 5cm wire of any length.

* shhh... quite, the principal is rotating in the school.

# About his family:

* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)

# At the ground:

* All of you, stand in a straight circle. ( u know who said this )

* There is no wind in the ball.

# To a boy, angrily:

* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# Giving a punishment:

* You, rotate the ground four times...

* You, go and under-stand the tree...

* You three of you, stand together separately.

* Why are you late - say YES or NO... (?)

# Sir at his best:

Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next day at school (to that boy):

"Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"

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>A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding night, she tells each one to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to use newspaper advertisements as a `code` to let the mother know how their love lives are going.

>The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives with a single message, simply: `Tata Tea`.

>The mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell House advertisement, and it says, `Satisfaction to the last drop...`

>So the mother is happy. Then the second daughter gets married.

>After a week, there was a message that read: `Sleepwell`s Mattresses`.

>So the mother looks at the Mattresses ad, and it says, `Full size, king size`.

>And the mother is happy. Then it comes to the third one, Jeeto`s wedding. Mother is anxious. She was married to Santa

>After four weeks came the message: `Punjab Airways`. And the mother looks into the Punjab Airways ad, but this time she fainted.

>The ad reads: `Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.`

>One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?"

>Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.

>The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.

>So once again young couple curiously asked - "What are you doing here ?"

>Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.

>The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same

>form, how come you're in Delhi? Sardarji cooly replied

>It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"

An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table , he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby.... all alone.

>

>He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, - knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

>

>The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

>

>The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.

>

>The man, after reading the note, sends one of his own back to her and it read:

>

>"Just so you know - I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the bank."

>

>"But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back!!!

Interview of a Sardar

>Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.

>Following is the transcript :

>

>O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites

>

>S : Yes Sir.

>

> Officer started asking questions

> O : Above

> S : Below

> O : Front

> S : Back

> O : Left

> S : Right

> O : Male

> S : Female

> O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)

> S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

> O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)

> S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)

> O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)

> S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......

> Our sardar also shouts)

>

> #Officer is now angry.

> O : Get out

> S : Come in.

> O : Quiet please.

> S : Talk please.

> O : You are rejected.

> S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.

Love your boss?????

In Memory of all those who love their boss !

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP

CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

An old man lived alone in IDAHO. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hardwork. His only son, Bubba, who could help him was in prison.The old man wrote a letter to his son describing his predicament.

>Dear Bubba:

>I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year.I'm jus t too old to be digging the garden plot.If you were here then all my troubles would be over.I know you would dig the plot for me.

>Love.Dad.

>A few days later he received the letter from his son.

>Dear dad:

>For heavens sake dad don't dig up that garden.That's where I burried the dead bodies.

>Love babba.

>at 4 am the next morning the FBI and the police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

>That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

>Dear dad:

>Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.

>Love, Bubba.

INZAMAM was once asked a different question after PAK

won the match, for which he was not prepared??. He had

a set response to the first question always.

Commentator: So INZI your wife is pregnant for the

2nd time???

INZI: Bismilla-e-allah-e-rahim.Insha Allah

all credit goes to The boyz2 every one worked hard for

it especially Afridi; without him It

wouldn't have been possible!! also bob woolmer kept a

close watch on The progress !..its a team effort

Commentator: *$@()#@!|_-?????!!!!! Sorry !!!! ))))

<ALL POSTS MERGED & DUPLICATE POSTS DELETED!>

Edited by Vishal Gupta

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<< All Topics merged >>

cracker, please check your PM

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The Donkey

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S A*S*S* OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S A*S*S*.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST A*S*S* IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS A*S*S* FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER A*S*S* IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day...

The Chicken Farmer

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child," she replied. "Today, my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.

Here goes another one......

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.

The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other flea says, "That's the worst way to travel. Do what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While there, look for a nice stewardess, crawl up her leg and nestele in where it's warm and cozy. It's the best way to travel that I can think of."

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.

A year goes by ... When the first flea shows up in Miami he shivering and shaking again.

The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"

"Yes," says the first flea. "I did exactly what you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of a guy on a Harley."

< All Posts Merged >

Edited by Mukul

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Kewl one Mukul ~!!!!!!!!!! Loved that :P Nun and her a*s*s!!!! aaah .....

Cheers

Ashok

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cool ones mukul, all 3 of them :'( :(

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Some thing about the Mobile Technology

Four technology Experts were golfing one day, 3 Americans and 1 Japanese. On the 7th green they heard BEEP BEEP BEEP. The 1st American took a pen from his pocket, clicked it twice and said “Hello”. After a short conversation, the man clicked the pen and put it back in his pocket. He beamed to the others that his company was good enough to do away with cell phones and replace it with a cell pen. The others were not terribly not impressed. A few holes later there came another series of BEEPs. The Second American touched the palm of his right hand with the index finger of his left, then extended his thumbs up and his pinky down. He put his hand to his hand and said, “ Hello.” There was another conversation and he said, “BYE”. He made the fist and told the other that his company was to the point of installing the microphone in the pinky and the speaker in the Thumb. The first guy was impressed, the other two unmoved. A couple of Holes later there was another BEEP and the 3rd American held his right hand high in the air and said, “Hello.” After his conversation he lets the others know that he was so progressive he had a mike in his lip, and speaker in his ear, and an antenna in his arm. The other two Americans was very impressed. The Japanese gentleman said nothing. On the final hole there was one more BEEP, followed by a SCREEEECH……. The Japanese man ran to the bushes and disappeared. After a few moments their companions went over to see what was going on. There he was, squatting in the Bushes with his pants around his ankles. One of the Observers hollered, “We have restrooms for that :( kind of business in this country!” The Japanese man exclaimed, “ NO, NO, I’M WAITING FOR A FAX”.

Thanks and Take Care!

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Thanks Arun, Here are

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

for the time.... I know

where my watch is pal, where the hell is

yours? Do I point at my crotch

when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get

off their *** to search the entire room

for the tv remote because

they refuse to walk to the tv and change the

channel manually.

3. When people say

"Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".

Damn right!

What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's

always the last place you look". Of course it is.

Why the hell

would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do

this?

Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people

say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I

paid

Rs. 150/- to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People

who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a

choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's

new, then

there has never been anything before it. If it's an

improvement, then there

must have been something before it,

couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the

hell?? Life is the longest

damn thing anyone ever does!! What

can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and

someone asks "Has the bus come

yet?". If the bus came would I be

standing here, dumbass?

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nice one ...

cheers

Ashok

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Something New

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are new settlers in Brisbane, Australia.

Ray always wanted a pair of authentic RM Williams boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks him over, "Nope."

Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots, and asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"

To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."

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good ... mostly from bornsilly or GCFL

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If Titanic Was Made In India

•There would be 10 times as many people in the ship

•There would be a song with Kate Winslett in a white sari, singing in the rain.

•By the end of the movie, hero would find his long lost Mom, Dad, sis and bhai

•It would be a seven-and-a-half-hour movie with three intervals. The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya to Marna Kya?"

•The hero and the heroine would float in the cold water for days and still survive while the villain would die in the first few drops.

•The iceberg was sent by the heroine’s father to teach a lesson to the hero.

•None of the women would float because of the saris.

•The orchestra would play Jai Santoshi Maa and a ray of light would come and transport the musicians to another ship.

•And can you imagine how many times we would heard bachaoo?

Edited by cracker

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Hey Ashok These are from my collection...Any way Thanks for these sites too.

Enjoy this one,

The Tattoo

Fred gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

"I was out getting a tattoo," Fred replied.

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow," said Fred.

"Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

"Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

"And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

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LOL!!! that was a good one !

Cheers

Ashok

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The Best of Computer Sales Jagron

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

DESIGN SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone.

ADVANCE DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; nobody knew it was coming.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works.

REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitor.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship.

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain.

Thanks and Take Care!

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